The

Invader

A Satirical News Journal Since 1995

Ask Col. Qadhafi

Ask Qadhafi your own personal questions! Write to him at editors@theinvader.org today!

Dear Khadafwe,

My mother keeps nagging me to clean my room. She doesnt understand that Im a messy person who likes my space. How can I tell her that her nagging hurts my feeling?

Thanks, Mizundastood in Mississippi

Dear Mizundastood,

What kind of a way is that to spell misunderstood?

I think first you need to learn to spell. Iím not even a native english speaker and I spell better than you.

I hope this answers your question.

Dear Quadjdhafi,

I have this girlfriend who likes to make love under christmas trees. Even outside of the holiday, we have to either find decorated trees or have a fake one set up in the living room so we can do our thing underneath. Is this normal? What should I do? It makes me feel uncomfortable.

Thanks, Scared in Scarsdale

Dear Scared,

Donít be. Making love, I guess you say in your language, is very normal. Doing this under a tree is normal for my culture. Doing it under a decorated tree that celebrates a fat man going down a chimney, however, is not normal in any culture. I suggest you do one of the following, Torture your wife and her family until she agrees to stop this insane sexual deviancy fetish or blow up some commerical airliner in an enraged fit of confusion.

Dear Kadapee,

I am deeply Jewish and my boyfriend is profoundly Christian. He wants me to come and live with his family in their town and my mother says this is impossible. She believes I should live in a town that is friendly to Jews and has a Jewish culture. My boyfriends though, says I have to move with him to Arizona. What should I do?

Signed, At My Wits End in Arizona

Dear Wits End,

Libya has recently welcomed back all the people of Jewish descent that were exiled or bansihed from our country. You would be most welcome here and your boyfriend might like the climate- it is similar to Arizona in some parts. Please consider the warm invitation of the el-Qadhafi family.

Dear Qadhafi,

I am single and depressed. I am always seeing all these happy couples all over the place and it makes me more upset with my life. What should I do to get a girlfriend and stop feeling bad for myself?

Yours Truly, Starved in Seattle

Dear Starved,

Try running your own country! You think you have problems? Iíve got an unstable economy, a desert, underused oil fields and hungry people. How do you feel now?

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Note: The Invader has no real connection whatsoever with the current dictator of Libya.

This column is for entertainment purposes only.

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